maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
