Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
