my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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