is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
