Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
