carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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