Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are we in a gay sports bar?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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