He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
