Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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