to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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