go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
