My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
