you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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