Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
