Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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