I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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