I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
