I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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