I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
