a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
