You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
