I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
