So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
