Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
