i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
