Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
