My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
