Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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