Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
