Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
