I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
