That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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