Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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