I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's like iHOP with fire
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh god it's open bar.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
