maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
