This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
