Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
