The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
