You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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