I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
