You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
