recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
