dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
