Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
