i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
