youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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