Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Less talking, more tequila
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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