You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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