btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
