Just mADE A PArabola og urine
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My bed smells like the plague
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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